Latest Auntie Lists!

Auntie List #61

Ten things that probably aren't said by a counselor over a suicide hotline!

1. "So go ahead and jump. It's probably the right thing to do anyway."

2. "Across the wrists is wrong. A better way is straight down the arm, to open the vein."

3. "Ted Bundy used to do this. We're all sick fucks!"

4. "Actually, I was just about to call you. I'm on this bridge, and the water below looks inviting."

5. "Your parents only did that because they hate you. Where's my Chinese take-out?"

6. "Once upon a time there was a little sissy who complained and whined like a fem."

7. "So I swerved to avoid the paperboy and instead hit a group of Lutherans. No, they didn't make it. They never do."

8. "Pills aren't sure enough. If you're going to do it, do it right, and proud."

9. "I don't get invited to weddings, either. Ever since my disease."

10. "I missed the cup on purpose and squirted all over the wall."

Auntie List #62

Ten things you'd better watch out for!

1. Being caught by the Creamsicle Police and being forced to admit your erotica to a three-way microphone mirror.

2. A plugged-in lamp that has targeted you during a fateful shower.

3. A 36-year old housewife who wears training wheels to bed.

4. A florist who's writing a book called "Little Cock of Sorrows."

5. A merry-go-round that produces forty gallons of toxic waste every half hour.

6. "Mmmmm! What's in these? Oh, God. Not those."

7. Detective Pipe Williams and his sidekick, Fucker the Midget.

8. A flock of school children with broken pencils and hollow dead eyes.

9. A backyard fence that grows along with the grass.

10. Santa Claus stroking and kissing his cemetery plot.

Auntie List #63

Ten viewpoints of a man who is looking at an attractive woman!

All he sees is...

1. A big walking watery mouth sucking on a banana lolly.

2. A talking pair of tits that keeps saying "What are you looking at?"

3. Sucking legs down and up across all over.

4. Bending over ass knockers up against the windshield.

5. The back of her head wearing lots of different wigs.

6. Hips that swivel and take on as much pressure as possible.

7. Blow humping rotating while the game is still on.

8. OBJECT - OBJECT - YOU ARE AN OBJECT. (This is of course spoken in a robot voice)

9. An obnoxious Catholic school uniform-wearing cock tease who has to be taught a headboard-banging lesson before the Mother Superior catches you both.

10. Something that can be useful for at least 60 seconds.

Auntie List #64

Ten viewpoints of a woman who is looking at a rich man!

All she sees is...

1. A stupid chubby wallet that opens up again and again.

2. Someone she can black-widow kill about six months after marriage.

3. A free dinner and maybe a car.

4. A fuckin' geek who at least knows how to cash a check.

5. Mr. Mealticket and his house with three bathrooms.

6. A $32-million dollar illegitimate child who looks a lot like Eddie Murphy, or Tom Brady.

7. Her wearing a fur coat as she visits his body in the chilly morgue.

8. A big long Amtrak with the words "Sugar Daddy Express" written in diamonds on the railroad cars.

9. Just fuck him a couple of times and then you can be in the movie.

10. He's 87, with an oxygen mask. Pounce before time finishes the job.

Auntie List #65

Ten reasons not to go swimming at the beach during your vacation!

1. Seaweed feeds on dick.

2. The jellyfish just came and the water isn't nice.

3. The mermaid's tits are all waterlogged.

4. The homo lifeguard promised you mouth-to-crotch resuscitation.

5. Some boat sank and dead fuckers are floating everywhere.

6. Seals are clubbing swimmers at a record pace.

7. The sand really torches my ass!

8. Skin cancer? Oh, fuckin' no!

9. SpongeBob SquarePants is being raped by Jaws.

10. The Blew Whale shouldn't be allowed around children.


	Newest Auntie Lists for Book #2! Auntie List #61 Ten things that probably aren't said by a counselor over a suicide hotline! 1. "So go ahead and jump. It's probably the right thing to do anyway." 2. "Across the wrists is wrong. A better way is straight down the arm, to open the vein." 3. "Ted Bundy used to do this. We're all sick fucks!" 4. "Actually, I was just about to call you. I'm on this bridge, and the water below looks inviting." 5. "Your parents only did that because they hate you. Where's my Chinese take-out?" 6. "Once upon a time there was a little sissy who complained and whined like a fem." 7. "So I swerved to avoid the paperboy and instead hit a group of Lutherans. No, they didn't make it. They never do." 8. "Pills aren't sure enough. If you're going to do it, do it right, and proud." 9. "I don't get invited to weddings, either. Ever since my disease." 10. "I missed the cup on purpose and squirted all over the wall." Auntie List #62 Ten things you'd better watch out for! 1. Being caught by the Creamsicle Police and being forced to admit your erotica to a three-way microphone mirror. 2. A plugged-in lamp that has targeted you during a fateful shower. 3. A 36-year old housewife who wears training wheels to bed. 4. A florist who's writing a book called "Little Cock of Sorrows." 5. A merry-go-round that produces forty gallons of toxic waste every half hour. 6. "Mmmmm! What's in these? Oh, God. Not those." 7. Detective Pipe Williams and his sidekick, Fucker the Midget. 8. A flock of school children with broken pencils and hollow dead eyes. 9. A backyard fence that grows along with the grass. 10. Santa Claus stroking and kissing his cemetery plot. Auntie List #63 Ten viewpoints of a man who is looking at an attractive woman! All he sees is... 1. A big walking watery mouth sucking on a banana lolly. 2. A talking pair of tits that keeps saying "What are you looking at?" 3. Sucking legs down and up across all over. 4. Bending over ass knockers up against the windshield. 5. The back of her head wearing lots of different wigs. 6. Hips that swivel and take on as much pressure as possible. 7. Blow humping rotating while the game is still on. 8. OBJECT - OBJECT - YOU ARE AN OBJECT. (This is of course spoken in a robot voice) 9. An obnoxious Catholic school uniform-wearing cock tease who has to be taught a headboard-banging lesson before the Mother Superior catches you both. 10. Something that can be useful for at least 60 seconds. Auntie List #64 Ten viewpoints of a woman who is looking at a rich man! All she sees is... 1. A stupid chubby wallet that opens up again and again. 2. Someone she can black-widow kill about six months after marriage. 3. A free dinner and maybe a car. 4. A fuckin' geek who at least knows how to cash a check. 5. Mr. Mealticket and his house with three bathrooms. 6. A $32-million dollar illegitimate child who looks a lot like Eddie Murphy, or Tom Brady. 7. Her wearing a fur coat as she visits his body in the chilly morgue. 8. A big long Amtrak with the words "Sugar Daddy Express" written in diamonds on the railroad cars. 9. Just fuck him a couple of times and then you can be in the movie. 10. He's 87, with an oxygen mask. Pounce before time finishes the job. Auntie List #65 Ten reasons not to go swimming at the beach during your vacation! 1. Seaweed feeds on dick. 2. The jellyfish just came and the water isn't nice. 3. The mermaid's tits are all waterlogged. 4. The homo lifeguard promised you mouth-to-crotch resuscitation. 5. Some boat sank and dead fuckers are floating everywhere. 6. Seals are clubbing swimmers at a record pace. 7. The sand really torches my ass! 8. Skin cancer? Oh, fuckin' no! 9. SpongeBob SquarePants is being raped by Jaws. 10. The Blew Whale shouldn't be allowed around children. \| Return Home \| Auntie Lists #1-10 \| Auntie Lists#11-20 \| Auntie Lists#21-30 \| Auntie Lists#31-40 \| Latest Auntie Lists! \| Auntie Lists#41-50 \| Auntie Lists#51-60 \| Auntie Lists#61-70 \| Auntie Lists# 71-80 \| Auntie List Items \| Links Page \| Hot Buttered Midgets \| Auntie Lists# 81-90 \| Ugly Bernard \| Auntie Lists# 91-101 \| Book #1 - Archive of Auntie Lists #'s 1-101 \| The Bogus News! \| Auntie Lists #1-10 - For Second Book \| Auntie Lists #11-20 - For Second Book \| Auntie Lists #21-30 - For Second Book \| Auntie Lists #31-40 -For Second Book \| Auntie Lists #41-50 - For Second Book \| Auntie Lists #51-60 - For Second Book \|